Right now I'm looking at 48 hours and still no sign of life from her. How could someone I've treated so good by helping her out with bills, gas money, and necessities for kids be so cold hearted as to not even send a message about hey I don't think I want to be with you anymore or say hey I don't love you anymore? The last phone conversation we had was Sunday evening. I called her to ask how she was doing since I've been working a lot of hours we haven't had much time to see each other. I commute with my job about 1.5 hours a day so sometimes I'm gone a lot. Then conversation kinda went like this.
ME: Hi how are you?
HER: I'm ok just here at home.
ME: Cool, what are the girls doing?
HER: They are with there aunt and Dad.
HER: I have to go get them a dress.
ME: What do they need a dress for?
HER: A Dance
ME: Oh That's fun.
ME: So what's going on with us? I really want us to get along. I consider you my best friend. I enjoy the time we spend together as well as the time with the kids and us. Even if its as simple as running to target.
HER: Yeah me too.
The conversation went on for a few more minutes about how I feel and would like her to treat me a little better as well as the things I feel I do wrong in the relationship that I need to correct. Mostly just getting upset when she pushes me away and ignores me. She says she can't tell me things because I always get upset. NOT TRUE. I get upset when she has ignored me for a day and then she finally decides to talk to me and then tells me what she did. That's when I get ticked. But I don't yell or swear I just tell her how uncool or unfair she is and that it's not helping the relationship any. On the phone she tells me how she hates talking about this stuff and is not well spoken as I am about feelings and that I know this already. But after 2.5 years u should be comfortable with sharing feelings shouldn't you? She says I just make her mad and put her in a shitty mood when I talk about this kinda stuff.
I know one comment has said that they feel the relationship is dead. But trust me when we are getting along we have great times together. It's hard to understand why she slips into these moods of ignoring me. Could it be the stress of her car payment, rent, bils? Since work has slowed down and she has moved into an apartment she now only works 4 days a week and was used to 5 days a week with a day of overtime on saturdays as well. She has a tough job schedule of having to be to work at 5 am so that means she must be up by at latest 4. I try all I can to help her out with things but for some reason she is just as stubborn as a mule.
Stumble It!
SHOE WEEE!!!I I bet that stunk!
15 years ago
4 comments:
What sucks the most about human relationships is that our hearts and our heads always seem to be having differeng conversations at the same time.
What I'm seeing is a woman who can't bring herself to be honest with herself about her feelings for you - or lack of them. I see a lot of guilt as well. You've been great to her and to her children, so I'm guessing that the ways in which you've supported her (financially and otherwise) are front and center - battling it out with her heart, and the perception of the loss her kids will feel.
At the end of the day, you have to remind yourself that you deserve happiness. That you deserve to be loved completely; and you're not getting that from her. Love yourself enough to let go. There's someone out there just waiting for everything you have to offer...and you won't have to beg.
Have a peaceful Thanksgiving.
What I meant by the relationship being dead is not that there are no feelings from either one of you. I meant a dead end it's obvious you are making excuses for her and she clearly doesn't want to deal with your feelings. If you're not going to man up and let go and take care of yourself first and move forward then accept the situation. Accept that her attitude sucks this is how she is and learn to love it. Think pragmatically if this was your son and he was in the same situation what would you advice him to?
puttana, Thanks for your words and advice. I truely appreciate them. I do find myself making excuses for her all the time. Oh she's just tired that's why she acts like this or that. But I feel if you truely love someone you will make time for there feelings no matter how tired you are that's just part of loving someone. Making the time for your loved one is very important and respecting how they feel. I don't know if it's manning up to just walk away when the going gets tough. I think that being a man is sticking through the hard times just to prove your heart is true. Right now her attitude does suck...you are so right. And if it was my son dating some girl like this I would be encouraging him to think hard about it. Have you seen the movie fireproof yet?
O.K...This may sound harsh, but my intentions are far from it. I am in a relationship with much of the same issues, and I can identify with what may be going on in her head. She had to move, decrease in income/hours, children, single parenthood, etc. Her "platter is full", so to speak. And you my friend, are adding unnecessary stress with your neediness, (ouch -sorry!) So you want to fix it? Give her some space. If she does love you, things will work out. Stay needy...well, you'll stay lonely.
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